Netflix Streaming Bargain Bin

If you’re new to Netflix Streaming, then you would not believe the number of movies Hilary Duff has made. And they’re all from, like, 2009. There’s one called Beauty and the Briefcase, and that’s not the kind of thing you can just scroll past. So I went back, clicked on it, and this is the description that came up:

“When ambitious young journalist Lane Daniels gets hired to do a career-making story on love in the workplace, she lands a corporate job and starts researching her article by dating as many co-workers are possible.”

And Jennifer Coolidge is clearly her co-star. Because, of course.

Right now, they’re suggesting “Mother-Daughter Thrillers” to me, like Breaking Dawn. Not the one with R. Pattz. The horror picture from 2004 starring Angelina Jolie’s brother.

“Your taste preferences created this row.”

:(

I was going to review The Crush until they said I couldn’t have it anymore. And then they took it away. You know how that makes me feel? Like this.

To cleanse my pallet from Daddy’s Girl, I watched She’s The One, which is just a good movie where people sit around and talk. I love when people just talk. Especially when they’re blunt Irish shit-kickers. Also, the new Geico guy is awesome as Ed Burns’ brother. And Tom Petty does the score.

DAAADDY’S GIRL. Daddy’s Girl was legendary with a friend of mine when we were in middle school. I wish I paid more attention to it when it was on USA Network at 4 p.m. after school one day. It’s basically Orphan, except with no money and a terrifying redhead. This ginger is a committed little sociopath. Clever, too. She’s basically an autobiography of what I imagine Lindsay Lohan was like at that age. And this Courteney Cox lookalike is on to her shit. And what does her shit entail?

• Crushing a teacher to death with a bookshelf after she threatens to send her to a reform school, far away from her precious daddy. Who, by the way, is played by Tommy Ross from Carrie.
• Pushing her adoptive grandmother down a flight of stairs she lured her up using a pre-recorded tape of her cries for help as bait. She survives the fall, so Daddy’s Girl fucks up her ventilator in the hospital, killing her. I forget what the grandmother did to piss her off, but I’m sure it had something to do with her and her fucking Daddy.

The most important thing is, this girl is crafty. I kind of admire her conviction. And moxie. She makes a plan and sticks to it.

The actress who plays Daddy’s Girl is part Caroline Mazzo, part car wash cashier, with a little Meredith-from-The-Office thrown in for good measure. She’s probably the only ten-year-old “broad” you’ll ever see. Aside from Tommy Ross, the rest of the cast is a bunch of people you’ve never seen before, and will never see again. But it doesn’t matter because it’s all about Daddy’s Girl. It’s like when Richard Gere was shooting Pretty Woman and the director Garry Marshall told him “In this movie, one of you moves. And one of you doesn’t. Guess which one you are?”  Everyone in this movie orbits around Daddy’s Girl. Or gets bludgeoned in the head by her with a sledgehammer. Yeah, a sledgehammer. This shit is bad ass. I need two hands to pick up the same sized sledgehammer, and she just waves it around like a conductor’s baton.

In conclusion, there’s just much for me to say about the movie that can’t be said by watching it. It’s like Sex and the City 2. It’s an experience, and you just have to let it happen to you.

Here’s the trailer. You’ll known within the first thirty seconds if this movie is right for you.